In the past, I have tried monogamous relationships, though I have never been successful. Nowadays, I’m more honest with myself about who I am. I think it’s better to be upfront about that at the beginning of a relationship to avoid the pitfalls of lying and cheating.

But even in non-monogamy, is there such a thing as a relationship free of lies?

People lie and conceal all the time in open relationships. Which points to something deeper going on . . . A deep-seated need for a double life. Why else would one lie when one’s been granted the freedom not to?

I don’t believe there’s such a thing as total transparency. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have dreams, fantasies, and reveries. We wouldn’t keep journals.

Total transparency is an ideal fed to us in our conditioning. But it is just that — an ideal. One that leads to unrealistic expectations and feeling hurt when we’re lied to by a partner.

I’m realizing that even the most honest people I know keep secrets. And I’m working to broaden my understanding so I don’t feel hurt by that anymore.

Today, I’m working towards re-conditioning myself to understand that double lives are not a sin, but a necessity. Then I can move through the world accepting what I conceal and what is concealed from me.

And let’s be honest . . . there’s nothing more exciting and titillating than keeping a part of you that only ever belongs to you.

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