Double Lives

Double Lives

In the past, I have tried monogamous relationships, though I have never been successful. Nowadays, I’m more honest with myself about who I am. I think it’s better to be upfront about that at the beginning of a relationship to avoid the pitfalls of lying and cheating.

But even in non-monogamy, is there such a thing as a relationship free of lies?

People lie and conceal all the time in open relationships. Which points to something deeper going on . . . A deep-seated need for a double life. Why else would one lie when one’s been granted the freedom not to?

I don’t believe there’s such a thing as total transparency. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have dreams, fantasies, and reveries. We wouldn’t keep journals.

Total transparency is an ideal fed to us in our conditioning. But it is just that — an ideal. One that leads to unrealistic expectations and feeling hurt when we’re lied to by a partner.

I’m realizing that even the most honest people I know keep secrets. And I’m working to broaden my understanding so I don’t feel hurt by that anymore.

Today, I’m working towards re-conditioning myself to understand that double lives are not a sin, but a necessity. Then I can move through the world accepting what I conceal and what is concealed from me.

And let’s be honest . . . there’s nothing more exciting and titillating than keeping a part of you that only ever belongs to you.

Adventures

Adventures

I’m up in the Himalayas at the moment. I’ve been travelling around India for the past few weeks.

India is one of my favorite places in the world to explore! Each corner of this country is so vastly different from the next.

Being a tall, white, blonde in India, I’m growing accustomed to being stared at wherever I go and constantly asked to take selfies with people. Here I thought Americans were obsessed with selfies, but Indians take it to a whole new level! 🙂 (more…)

The Selfie Era

The Selfie Era

Some like to scoff at the inundation of digital self-portraits gracing our screens. I’ve definitely been one of the scoffs in that chorus. But when I catch myself judging, I like to reflect on myself – on the parts of myself I’m not looking at. I can witness the narcissistic cultural trends and feel a sense of superiority. Until I look deeper into my assumptions about the selfie and get to wondering about humans.

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Getting Messy

Getting Messy

This video is something I’ve fantasized about doing for a long time. I thought it would be a great idea for a music video. Though I never ended up finding quite the right musicians to team up with. So, eventually, I decided to bite the bullet and just make it happen.

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